After seeing it done by Hustle Belt, we decided to take our own run at generating some ideas for neutral site games that would, at the very least, be extremely intriguing for players and fans alike. Here is what we came up with, and while we don't care if you dislike our ideas, we do care if you like them, or have great ideas of your own. Let us know!
Texas vs Texas State in the middle of I-35 traffic
No, don't worry, we are aware of the danger having watched The Program numerous times. But don't sweat it, because as we all know THAT TRAFFIC NEVER ACTUALLY MOVES. So it would really just be a game where it would be much harder to defend the receivers, which would be a huge boost to both these offenses. Then again, if Tyler Rogers plays quarterback some angry drivers might be getting some windows shattered, so...
Troy vs Middle Tennessee State inside an oversized Trojan Horse
Because it would be an ironic tribute to Greek mythology, that's why. Read a book, people. Also, this would likely serve two other purposes, in both rekindling an old rivalry as well as giving the Trojans a legitimate shot at winning. Just think of how the enclosed space could help them reign in Brent Stockstill's mad passing skills!
Idaho vs Boise State on a potato farm, ankle-deep in mashed potatoes, with Dan Quayle as special guest referee
Because if you are going to go with a culturally-based experience, you might as well go as far as you possibly can, scoring be damned. Don't worry, they'll just switch to some longer cleats, they'll be just fine. And no, Dan Quayle will be THE ONLY referee for this game.
New Mexico State versus New Mexico, on a very large wooden raft, in the middle of the Rio Grande River
Well, this is the Rio Grande Rivalry, isn't it? Plus just think of how they'd have to modify the rules regarding what is and isn't a catch in order to prevent the possibility of a player drowning trying to maintain possession of the ball through the duration of the play. And if it gets dull at any point, the future UT-Rio Grande Valley Vaqueros football team (likely an intramural squad at this point) will be standing on the "sidelines" waiting for the cue to start rocking the boat as much as possible. Literally.
Georgia Southern vs Georgia State in the Georgia Dome
No, I'm just kidding. This would obviously be a home game for the Eagles. No seriously, though...
Georgia Southern vs Appalachian State in a wading pool full of Eagle Creek water
This will be a defensive battle, as anyone who has ever been in a wading pool will know. As a bonus, the return engagement will be played in Boone, NC down in the Foggy Mountain Gem Mine by whatever players survived the inevitable staph infections from the first matchup. No worries, the clean High Country air will help the survivors recover from what ails them.
South Alabama vs Georgia State at Legion Field
These two should probably get paired together, because if you look at their histories, each of these squads is the team the other has played the most in their short existences. The location is another obvious choice because these two teams benefitted a whole bunch from UAB Blazer transfers whenever the program briefly shut down. The loser immediately leaves whatever UAB transfers are still on their roster in Birmingham and heads home. They stay at UAB and are cleared to play immediately.
Arkansas State vs Arkansas at Camp Randall Stadium in January
As a fitting way for these two teams to finally meet for the first time, we move northward. It will occur at the tail end of bowl season after both teams have already played their bowl game if they are invited to one. As an added bonus to get people to hate BERT more, teams will be required to huddle for the entire game. After every single play. After which they can snap the ball only if there are under 10 seconds left on what will be a 60-second play clock.
Louisiana Tech vs Louisiana-Monroe on Calhoun Middle School's field
You wouldn't want whatever few fans attend this game to be too inconvenienced, and Calhoun, LA is essentially equidistant for the two teams to travel. Given the hatred between them this game will either be sparsely attended or standing-room only, so let's shoot for the latter. Phil and Sy from Duck Dynasty will be the quarterbacks, but no other modifications to gameplay will be made. Erect those extra stands now!
Louisiana-Lafayette vs Tulane in the middle of Bourbon Street
This one could get pretty rowdy pretty quickly, and would need to have a few stipulations in order to have it go off as well as possible. First and foremost, each time a third down play occurs, the unsuccessful team does a shot. Second, the long snapper, punter, and kicker drink one whole daiquiri prior to every punt, field goal or extra point try. Lastly, the losing team has to clean Bourbon Street with their own toothbrushes the following morning.
Army vs BYU in Crooked River, Missouri
We have to include the conference-less team somewhere, so it may as well be here that we honor some (awkward) history in making a matchup. The 1838 Mormon War that took place in Northwest Missouri and was the beginning of three wars in about 30 years between the Mormons and the US Government (via the US Army). This would be a good chance to "settle an old score," since these two teams have never met on the gridiron and, therefore, Army and BYU haven't faced each other since the 1850's. Both teams will dress up in 1830's period garb and play football; the loser has to move to Illinois, settle in, and then immediately pack everything up and move to Utah.