Not counting the Zod vs. Superman punch out between Georgia State and New Mexico State, the Sun Belt went 5-4 in Week 2. (Yay!) Of course, four of five wins were against FCS competition. (Boo!)
But a W is a W, and if roasting the FCS with an atomic blast of #SunBeltHeat is what it takes to violently vibrate the conference's atoms, then so be it.
Even in defeat, the Sun Belt was not without some glory. Arkansas State reaffirmed Coach Pinkel's deep regret for making the trip to Jonesboro by barely escaping with a 27-20 Missouri victory. And Georgia Southern made the MAC pay with a win over Western Michigan. Feel the Heat!
Week 3, the Heat is even more intense. Why? Because I say so. Remember, Sun Belt Heat is calculated using the following sorcery and science:
P5 Condescension x ESPN3 + Righteous Fury / "Any given Saturday" = SUN BELT HEAT
Georgia State vs. #8 Oregon, September 19, 1 PM CST, PAC12 Network
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 0.8%
Congratulations to the Panthers for roasting New Mexico State for its very first FBS win. Georgia State will carry that warm glow to Eugene, where the Ducks have gotten soft on cushy weight rooms, fresh Nike shoes and gorgeous cheerleaders. Meanwhile, the Panthers have been hardened inside the crucible of #SUNBELTHEAT!
Sun Belt Heat Index: 50% plus .2% for finally winning a damn FBS game
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 51%
Troy vs. #24 Wisconsin, September 19, 2:30 PM CST, Big10 Network
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 2.2%
Neal Brown is riding high on a 1-game win streak, and now the Trojans are looking to double down on the Badgers, who are ranked #24 because people start to cry when they don't see enough Big 10 teams in the Top 25. Wisconsin has already endured a beating at the hands of one Alabama team (I forget exactly who). It's Troy's sacred duty to keep that tradition alive.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 47.8 plus .2% because it would be cool (I mean hot!) if Troy won
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 51%
Wofford vs. Idaho, September 19, 4:00 PM CST, ESPN 3
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 65.9%
Honestly, I didn't even know Wofford played football, and I'm not entirely sure Idaho does either. However, the Vandals did score more points on USC than Arkansas State, and you can guarantee Paul Petrino will be burning that coal inside the huddle in the Kibbie Dome. Or, he might just be yelling for the sake of yelling. Either way, that's #Hot.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 10% minus 5% for Paul Petrino's eventual anger-related aneurysm
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 70.9%
The Citadel vs. Georgia Southern, September 19, 5:00 PM CST, ESPN 3
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 87.2%
A shut-out at West Virginia didn't stop the Eagles from destroying Western Michigan in Week 2, so you know Georgia Southern is still bubbling over with the Super Confidence. Meanwhile, the 2-0 Citadel is still getting free drinks for upsetting Arkansas in 1992 so regardless of the score, they're still winners.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 6,233% + 1000% for Super Confidence
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 7320.2%
Missouri State vs. Arkansas State, September 19, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN 3
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 93.5%
The Red Wolves allowed the Missouri Tigers to escape the Cent with a 27-20 win in Week 2, and now somebody from Missouri has got to pay. Just hand over your wallet and your car keys, Missouri State Bears. No need getting hurt over $30 and a 2012 Prius.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 20% multiplied by .5% and minus 3.5% so it sums out to 100%
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 100%
Southern Mississippi vs. Texas State, September 19, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN 3
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 63%
Texas State lassoed Prairie View in Week 2 and dragged them behind a stagecoach all over the Lone Star State. Now Southern Miss is looking for revenge. But too bad! The Bobcats are sheriff in this here parts. And they're armed with a tin star, frontier integrity and #SunBeltHeat.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 20% plus 7% if there's some fancy trick shoot'n at halftime!
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 90%
South Alabama vs. San Diego State, September 19, 7:00 PM CST
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 8.1%
There's a reason why this game ain't televised: it's illegal to broadcast assaults committed with #SunBeltHeat! Using the abattoir of our minds, we'll have to imagine the terrible bodily carnage inflicted on a San Diego State team that's gotten lazy on amazing weather, gorgeous cheerleaders, and unearned fame from Anchorman.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 70% + 5% every time Joey Jones says "Well that escalated quickly!"
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 98.1%
UTEP vs. New Mexico State, September 19, 7:00 PM CST, ESPN3
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 57%
Life is difficult when you are Georgia State's first FBS win. But instead of curling up into a ball and watching Say Anything, New Mexico State is about to deliver some Old Mexico revenge on UTEP. I'm not sure what "Old Mexico" revenge is, but you can bet that it will throw open the doors of perception in everyone watching this game on ESPN3. Such is the psychedelic power of #SunBeltHeat!
Sun Belt Heat Index: 0% because, man, you got beat by Georgia State
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 57%