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Sun Belt Heat Week 6: A Candle In The Wind

The Sun Belt is heating up to a slow boil, which is great if you're cooking macaroni and cheese. But we're not.

Soobum Im-USA TODAY Sports

Apart from frying one another, the Sun Belt collected one (1) scalding hot win against Wyoming in Week 5. Meanwhile, Georgia State ruined it for everybody by losing to Liberty, ending the Sun Belt's dominance over FCS competition. Also, New Mexico State fell to New Mexico for the 70th time. And Louisiana Tech trounced ULL.  Again.

In case you're keeping track (I have to), the Sun Belt is now an inglorious 18-30. You can't make nachos with that heat.

The flame flickers, my friends. Like a candle in the wind.

But we know who to cling to, even when the rain sets in! Because all it takes is a flash to create a universe! Remember, Sun Belt Heat is calculated using the following sorcery and science:

P5 Condescension x ESPN3 + Righteous Fury / "Any given Saturday" = SUN BELT HEAT

New Mexico State vs. #14 Ole Miss, October 10, 11:00 AM CST, SECN

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 0.5%

Nothing beats starting the morning with Heat! Sure, the curmudgeons at ESPN don't give the Aggies a half a chance, but they did give them half-a-percent chance, and that's all the spark New Mexico State needs to blow this game apart. This is the first meeting between the Rebels and Aggies, but don't expect NMSU to go easy on a team that was just humiliated by Florida. #SunBeltHeat only knows heat, not mercy.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 95.5% plus 0.5% for not knowing mercy.

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 100%

Troy vs. Mississippi State, October 10, 3:00 PM CST, SECN

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 2%

The Sun Belt received a sweet deal on October games against Mississippi-based opponents this week, creating a #SunBeltHeat Double Feature on the SEC Network! Hee haw! You might have noticed that ESPN gives Troy a 2% chance of winning. But 2% milk is still milk, and all the milk in the world can't quench Sun Belt Heat! And it's not like we're asking for a miracle (milkacle?). The Trojans trounced the Bulldogs 27-9 in 2001. Let's do it again.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 70% minus 10% for missing a cowbell reference when talking about milk

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 62%

ULM vs. Tulsa, October 10, 5:00 PM ESPN3

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 24.3%

As we all know, "ulm" is the yummy sound you make when eating barbecue. You can't have barbecue without heat. These facts alone push all the chips to the Warhawks' stack. Also bear in mind that UL-Monroe has endured punishing losses to Georgia, Alabama, and Georgia Southern. The Warhawks are hard now! Like Conan's steel! And if you give Tulsa a bowl-cut mullet, and combine it with the commanding presence of James Earl Jones, you get Tulsa Doom. Am I reaching? Yes! But there is no distance too great for #SunBeltHeat.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 80%, unless the Warhawks solve the Riddle of Steel. Then, 1000%.

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 104.3%

Appalachian State vs. Georgia State, October 10, 2:30 PM CST, ESPN3

Texas State vs. ULL, October 10, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN3

Like a U.S. congressman or a lumberjack, I'm not a scientist. However, I am well aware of what happens when you apply #SunBeltHeat to #SunBeltHeat.