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Sun Belt Heat 5: Get Fired Up, Y'all

Week Five of Sun Belt Heat will be hotter than Week Four of Sun Belt Heat because it can't get any colder. Can it?

Mark Zerof-USA TODAY Sports

The Sun Belt is currently resting on a tepid 14-24 record, which on the surface doesn't feel very hot. But ask yourself, why waste Sun Belt Heat on the likes of Akron, Toledo and Alabama? Why blunt our sizzle on their unfeeling flesh? We reserve Sun Belt Heat only for the worthy!

Read this edition of #SunBeltHeat with overconfidence and judgement-blinding pride! Remember, Sun Belt Heat is calculated using the following sorcery and science:

P5 Condescension x ESPN3 + Righteous Fury / "Any given Saturday" = SUN BELT HEAT

Wyoming vs. Appalachian State, October 3, 2:30 PM CST, ESPN3

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 96.9%

Appalachian State opened the year with a 49-0 drumming of Howard. And then the Mountaineers were drummed unmercifully by Clemson destroyed Old Dominion by the same score! That's like some Groundhogs Day action there. We can safely assume that Wyoming is in line for the same kind of terrible 49-0 mountain-man beating. The Cowboys should be used to that; they have yet to win a game after four tries.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 49% of course

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 145.9%

Liberty vs. Georgia State, October 3, 2:30 PM CST, ESPN3

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 61.9%

Liberty has more online students than regular-old students, so you know they'll pack the stands at ESPN3. Meanwhile, the Panther's biggest challenge will be reducing the echoes from the signal-count in the empty Georgia Dome. Just whisper the count, Nick Arbuckle. You will be heard. As for the game, Liberty was founded by Jerry Falwell so you know their game is all about fundamentals.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 30% neutralized by Liberty's Hellfire Heat

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 61.9%

ULL vs. Louisiana Tech, October 3, 6:00 PM CST

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 11.3%

How the hell is this game not televised? This is a bitter in-state rivalry that generates its own heat, and yet not even ESPN3 will pick it up. Ouch. Perhaps Mark Hudspeth believes TV makes the Cajuns soft? After all, the physically powerful coach wasn't too happy with the loss to Akron following their move-in to their plush accommodations. Presumably, the Cajuns have been running drills all week in a septic tank to toughen up for LaTech, who delivered an Akron-like beating to ULL last season.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 90% minus 10% because the Jacuzzi soooooooooo nice

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 91.3%

New Mexico State vs. New Mexico, October 3, 7:00 PM CST

Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 32.5%

No TV for this in-state rivalry either, which is too bad, because the Lobos and the Aggies have duked it out 105 times. Are you kidding me? New Mexico has won this contest 69 times, and quite frankly, it would be a shame to spoil such a chuckle-inducing record. Look for the Aggies to summon all the #SunBeltHeat necessary to preserve the junior-high laughs for one more season.

Sun Belt Heat Index: 69% of course

Adjusted Chance for Winning: 101.5%

South Alabama vs. Troy, October 3, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN3

Georgia Southern vs. ULM, October 3, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN3

Idaho vs. Arkansas State, October 3, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN 3

You saw what happened when Kirk Russell teams up with Sylvester Stallone, right?