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Weakest Of The Week: Army Is The Poor Man's Navy

I mean, I could probably leave it at that headline but still, I will explain myself.

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More and more, this weekly series proves that it very much is just like the beast that it aims to cover.

As we all know, the hallmark of a good football team is answering adversity by coming together on the road to greatness. Likewise, this series has shown a willingness of answering name calling with a turning of the proverbial other cheek. Because it knows that after the second slap comes a bro-hug.

And, hell, look how far we've come. That was last week, for crying out loud!

Pay to Play: Oregon should have to pay ten grand for every point they score... and just for fun, give twenty back for every point they give up.

Together, we are creating a better weakly series of what is already appointment Internet-browsing. (Now is as good a time as any to say that I intend on highlighting one comment every week, meaning that the next comment could be yours. Sure, I'm a hack who likes to see plenty of comments on his posts; all of us Internet writers do.)

On to the football now: this weak, there are only two games between ranked teams. This sucks, unless you're me and this means that there are plenty of worthy choices for the weakest game of the weak. Let's run through a few options.

Runner-Up Game I: Florida Atlantic Owls At Charlotte 49ers

I mean, what else is there to say? Sometimes, you just list the two teams playing in the game and you let that sink in. Because there's nothing really clever or mean to say; the game itself says all there is to say.

The game itself wins.

Runner-Up Game II: UCF Knights At South Carolina Gamecocks

Here's a true story: when I brainstormed this weak's edition of the #Weakest with my esteemed editor, and when said esteemed editor mentioned this game, I said, "YES! This will be a blowout, USC and Cody Kessler will kill Old and Weary George O'Leary. #WIN"

I didn't have the schedule in front of me then. That the game is actually against Spurrier's team makes it better, because it makes it more depressing.

Runner-Up Game III: Navy Midshipmen At Connecticut Huskies

Welcome to a game pitting the team with the greatest conference record in history to one that managed to lose against the team with the 113th worst offense in the FBS.

That's nothing to be proud of, Missouri—but back to the game at hand. Welcome to the B1G, where a worthy opponent is one that... can't beat the team with the 113th worst offense in the FBS. (I used the joke again, yes; none is better.)

It's this:

Against this:

The Brotherhood - Navy Football Episode 2 2015 from Navy Football Video on Vimeo.

We all win.


That's three full runner-up games, not one. I make the rules, deal with it.

Weakest Of The Week: Army Black Knights At Eastern Michigan Eagles

Oh, just look at this beautiful matchup. On one side stand the tiny Eastern Michigan Eagles, who've used their home field advantage to beat Old Dominion and Ball State (i.e. average attendance for the two games: 5,469 fans). Eastern Michigan is a team and that's basically the nice thing to say.

The Eagles' opponents? The tinier Army Black Knights. Put it this way: Army may as well be just a poor man's Navy now. Their rushing offense is less efficient and prolific than Navy's and, though Army is better through the air than Navy, who needs to pass when you can rush for all the yards in the world? #expertanalysis

But okay, I'll play your game, Army. If you absolutely insist on proclaiming yourself equal to Navy (despite ample evidence to the contrary), then so be it. Army, I declare you to be the Canadian Navy.

The Royal Canadian Navy is in a disastrous state, struggling to deal with what it has