Mama June: Georgia Southern
"all that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimous."
Georgia Southern and GATA nation represents all of Southern Georgia. Who better to speak for the masses than Mama June from Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo? Maybe Mama June could be a strength and conditioning consultant for the football team. She cooks a mean Tuna Noodle Casserole and she would inspire the big linemen to lose all their "vajiggle jaggle."
Ricky: LA Tech
"It's all part of being hard core. Getting out here and whoopin ass."
Louisiana Tech has been trying to reach Northwest Louisiana for years. Who stands for Shreveport-Bossier more than Ricky, brother of Billy the Exterminator?
Willie Edwards: ULL
"If you think you can come out here and do it; good luck to ya."
Deep in the Bayous of South Louisiana, the Ragin' Cajuns have their own brand of football. They also have a spokesman that comes with his own subtitles.
Paris Hilton: Arkansas State
"I don't really think, I just walk"
You thought we would use Jim Bob for Arkansas State? No, we had to go all the way back to 2003 when Paris Hilton graced the great state of Arkansas on The Simple Life. "Wal-Mart, do they like make walls there?" No Paris, but we need some Paris Hilton Red Wolf T-shirts in Wal-Mart some kind of bad.
Jesse James: Texas State
"Two years of college and this is all I learned."
Jesse James, Beer, Texas. Yeah that has Texas State written all over it. Really, when you go to Texas State, you learn to drink beer and transport kegs. That's mostly it.
Uncle Si: ULM
"Last time it got this hot, I blacked out, I woke up naked, and I was in the middle of a park."
Uncle Si lives in the Monroe area and is the perfect spokesman for ANYTHING. Louisiana-Monroe has a gold mine right in their backyard. Si could also give the football team pointers on things such as physical conditioning, fashion, and proper tackling technique.
Todd Dewey, Ice Road Truckers: Idaho
"If you don't have respect, at least have some respect for your job and other people, you're not going to make it."
OK, so Todd Dewey is from Washington. It's close to Idaho, and Idaho is way the hell up there. It seems like you need to hire an Ice Road Trucker to get to Moscow anyway.