The Best and Worst Group of Five Promotional Videos

Not every Group of Five football program is created equal, and neither are their video departments. Although having a good (or bad) video department isn't nearly as important as, say, actually winning football games, putting out some promos that get fans' blood pumping by late July/early August is usually a pretty good idea. They get fans engaged and buying tickets, generate excitement around the program, and create some extra positive recruiting fodder for the coaches.

As you'll see, most of the schools with money and past successes have figured out how to produce good promos by now, or can at least pay someone a hefty sum to put out something nice. However, some of the more low budget and/or newcomer schools have quite a bit of work to do.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

There are plenty of good college sports hype videos and trailers out there, but these are some of the best of the best.

5. South Florida - 2015 Season Trailer

Look at this way, USF fans. Even if you finish 4-8 again, you'll have plenty of football porn to watch.

4. BYU - Fall Camp Preview (2015)

Have the offseason shakes? Then just jam this massive syringe full of testosterone/pent up Mormon rage straight into your arm. You'll be screaming "FOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW" at bewildered strangers and loved ones in no time.

3. Houston - The Houston Football Experience (2015)

Any video that can make spending four years in the Third Ward look like an epic journey deserves some major props.

2. Central Florida - UCF Kickoff Luncheon (2014)

I just watched this and then ate a bag of nails, belched the national anthem in the key of B flat, crushed an oil tanker with my bare hands and ran through a damn wall. In other words, an average Tuesday for George O'Leary.

1. Appalachian State - Football Gameday (2014)

This is so incredibly gorgeous that the video won an award from the Collegiate Sports Video Association. From the HD overhead shots to the Nina Simone track and remix to the fantastic videography, App State does everything right here. In fact, go and take a look at their Youtube channel, since most of ASU's videos are fantastic.

Who thought these were a good idea?

On the other end of the spectrum, there are some G5 schools who have put out some really horrendous promos. Many of them happen to be in a conference that starts with "S" and ends with "Belt." Strap in folks, this is gonna get messy.

5. North Texas 2014 Season Ticket Commercial

"zzzzzz....wha? Oh sorry, didn't see you there. Anyway, check out our one of a kind atmosphere where our mascot does mascot things and people stand around talking. Also here's a meaningless 'Game Day Champion' shield to get you even more excited.

No, that isn't the UNT athletic director behind me holding a taser to my abdomen to make me read this script, why do you ask?"

4. New Mexico State - "Pistol Pete On the Street" (2012)

I was tempted not to include this at all because really it's just a college kid wearing some cowboy getup and a fake mustache talking to some people on the Vegas strip. But then the interviews started.

3. Georgia State - Football Mock Commercial (2010)

Good lord. When GSU's athletic department says "we're from the ATL, we're gonna give 'em hell," they mean it.

As in they hand you a box where Lucifer pops out and condemns you to drive on I-75 at rush hour in an ice storm for the rest of eternity. Worst white elephant participants on earth.

But as bad as this mock commercial was, at least it wasn't the final copy. The next two offerings somehow made it through as finished products, which is simultaneously amazing and horrifying.

2. Texas State - "We are Bobcats" (2012)

The following was my reaction circa 2012 when this first came out.

Oh god, no.

No.

Nononononono.

So many questions and they all must be asked in all caps.

WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DID THEY TURN AN AGGIE THUMB UPSIDE DOWN LIKE THEY'RE PLAYING AROUND WITH THE ROTATE FUNCTION IN MS PAINT DURING HOMEROOM IN 8TH GRADE?

WHY IN THE WORLD DID THEY BRING UP SMU WHEN THERE ARE LITERALLY 10 OTHER FBS TEAMS IN TEXAS AND MOST OF THEM WE CARE ABOUT MORE THAN THE PROGRAM JUNE JONES JUST LEFT BECAUSE HE DECIDED HE'D RATHER PLAY GOLF INSTEAD?

IN A CLIP WHERE THEY'RE TRYING TO SHOW FAN EXCITEMENT, WHY ARE THEY SHOWING THE ONLY FAN STANDING UP AND GESTURING AROUND WILDLY AND YELLING WHAT IS PROBABLY AUTHENTIC FRONTIER GIBBERISH?

WHY ARE THEY SHOWING TIM HAWKINS GETTING CLOTHESLINED WHEN THEY REFER TO BOBCATS AS FIERCELY TERRITORIAL?

A COW? WE'RE PICKING FIGHTS WITH COWS? WHAT'S NEXT, WE SAY UNCIVILIZED THINGS ABOUT A GOAT'S MOTHER?

DID WHOEVER MADE THIS VIDEO JUST TAKE SOME WORDS OUT OF AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH MAD LIBS TO COME UP WITH DEDICATED, PROUD, AND FIERCE OR DID THEY GET THEM FROM THE SAME PLACE THEY GOT ALL THAT BOBCAT CLIP ART?

I love my alma mater, but if they ever put something like this out again I'm lighting my underwear on fire.

...they're totally going to produce We Are Bobcats 2, Electric Boogaloo, aren't they?

1. Idaho - 2013 season tickets

I really do get tired of picking on Idaho. I have nothing against them personally, and I actually think that part of the country is downright gorgeous. But this is so tremendously awkward that it deserves to be enshrined in the Hall of Shame forever.

First there's Paul Petrino standing there not looking at the camera and reading a script like a terrified 8th grader babbling out what's being put up on a teleprompter. The two cameras were a nice touch, because no terrible ad should be shot from the same angle.

There's also the bell ringer, and, well...

WOOOO indeed.

But the coup de grâce is the attempted Petrino smile.

Oh god.

That stare. THAT THOUSAND YARD STARE.

I made a smile like this once. It was when I posed for my driver's license picture at the DMV. I'd waited two hours and listened to the primal screams of five howling children and had silently begged to any deity that would listen for some noise-cancelling headphones to drop out of the sky so I wouldn't have to listen to the couple next to me argue for 20 minutes over whether they should paint their bedroom wall cinnamon or coriander.

"But his soul was mad. Being alone in the Kibbie Dome, it had looked within itself and, by heavens I tell you, it had gone mad."

What do you think? Do you have any other promotional videos that you think should've made one of our lists? Leave a comment below.