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Erase This Game: South Alabama 9, Nicholls State 3

There are many great contests every college football season. There are also many terrible games. As inspired by Every Day Should Be Saturday, we'll take a look at the latter category for the Group of Five.

It seems that no matter what happens with South Alabama and Joey Jones, it will always be bloody.
It seems that no matter what happens with South Alabama and Joey Jones, it will always be bloody.
Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

So, normally a game where one team is FCS and the other is FCS and transitioning wouldn't find it's way into this series. However, the box score gives us insight into just how atrocious this game was, no matter who is... "competing."

Here's a list of pathetic and depressing sentences that I could use to describe this game from the beginning of the 2012 season:

  • Nicholls got inside the South Alabama 20 yard line for the second time all game with less than two minutes to play - and still would have won if they turned that drive into a touchdown.
  • The Colonels gained 40 yards on that last drive of the game - which accounted for 34% of their yardage for the game.
  • LaQuintin Caston broke off a 31 yard run for the Colonels in the 4th quarter; otherwise, Nicholls ran the ball 24 times for minus-9 yards.
  • Three quarterbacks played in this game. The one who played the best finished 6-for-10 for 58 yards.
Need I go on? This game was an absolute, horrible mess. When the recap of the game on began with "[i]t wasn't a thing of beauty," they were doing their level best to be generous.

I mean, there's even a *ahem* "highlight" video of this game. Shall we?

0:13 O.K. Seriously. This video is only 2:40 long, but it takes us this long just to get to a point in the video where something actually happens. Not off to a strong start, video department.

OH WOW, a five yard curl route! And the clip cuts out after the broken tackle but before the very next guy brings him down.

That way it looks better if you don't pay close enough attention. Remember this thought. It will soon become a theme.

0:17 OHHH BABY! A TACKLE! BY TWO PLAYERS AT ONCE! That's exciting, because that never really happens in a... *sigh* nevermind.

0:20 ANOTHER TACKLE! BY ALL 45 JAGUAR DEFENDERS AT ONCE. Clearly this is the dominant team who is running away with the game.

0:36 OH SNAP, LANDRY KLANN RELEASED A PASS AND THEN GOT HIT HARD. Where do they find all these rare football plays?! This game must be EPIC and we're not even a minute into the highlights!

Boring... boring... boring...

0:45 And now, we get to the truth about the game. Ten seconds wherein we see two plays, both passes, that gained a total of maybe 15 yards. This represents the second-biggest highlight of the game for the quarterback who I mentioned played the best. Shoot me.


O.K. more tackling, more tackling, a bunch of sacks yeah yeah a chubby defensive lineman recovers a fumble, that's nice... WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

2:11 You have got to be kidding me. You create a highlight video of forty-eight minutes worth of football that is only 2 1/2 minutes long, and you had to include the second-half kickoff to spice things up?

Wow, and a few more random broken tackles (on plays that don't go far) and a pass break-up to seal the win. Now, I understand that the video department's only real other option was to show this on loop:

But maybe that's exactly what they should have done, since it would have been roughly equivalent and at least marginally more amusing. At least then it would have been awkwardly humorous on purpose.

This was one of only two games the Jags won in their last season prior to joining FCS, so I'm pretty sure nobody will miss it if we just erase it from the record books and pretend it didn't happen.