clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

What If Series: Texas G5 vs. Texas P5 (Big 12 Edition)

Let's figure out what those newfangled computers have to say about how Group of Five teams in Texas would fare against their Big 12 counterparts.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

The funny thing about Group of Five football fanbases in Texas is that they were all either once part of the Southwest Conference and think they deserve to be in the Big 12, or they weren't part of the Southwest Conference but think they deserve to be in the Big 12. So what would happen if they all ended up there?

Well, chaos and possibly in SMU's case a complete collapse of society (see below), but hey. That's part of the price of playing college football in today's era.

To echo what Chris Hondros did with West Virginia and Marshall, the rules for our hypothetical scenarios are as follows:

1. Each team had to be simmed to their in-state companions as close as possible.

2. All sims were conducted using What If Sports' Sim-Matchup.

3. You can only use the first sim as the official sim, no matter how silly it may seem.

Let's get started.

If Houston had TCU's Schedule...

Houston's not exactly hiding their intentions, as they want to be the next TCU and grab a Big 12 invite. The Horned Frogs blasted through their schedule with a Mad Max Fury Road-esque anarchyfest of a hiccup against Baylor en route to a 12-1 season. The Cougars put up similar records against C-USA with now Texas A&M coach Kevin Sumlin, but how would eventually doomed former UH head coach Tony Levine fare against TCU's slate?

FCS Autowin - Samford Bulldogs. Can't simulate the FCS teams, so let's say the Cougars take this one.

UHUMSim

Yikes. Not a good start.

This game actually happened in real life, and the simulator gave SMU's defense far too much credit.

uhousim

NO BOB NOT IN THE FACE

uhbaylorsim

That's...a surprisingly low margin of victory for Baylor, actually. Maybe Art Briles decides to take it easy on his former employer in this alternate universe.

uhosusim

Ok, maybe things are starting to turn aroun---

uhtechsim

Never mind.

uhwvusim

uhksusim

UH now sits at 3-6 and a loss away from sitting at home during the offseason. But surely they can get by hapless Kansas, right?

uhkusim

CoogFans dot com would've been like

uhnuke

uhutsim

uhisusim

Congrats on your 4-8 (2-7) season, Tony Levine. Here's a foot in your ass as a reward. And what if UH had gone up against the One True Champion* of the Big 12?

uhtcusim

The blood. So much blood.

If Texas State had Texas's Schedule...

Sitting in the shadow of Austin, the Bobcats were overlooked for a bowl invite for a second straight year despite going 7-5. Some Texas State fans let their wildest dreams run towards an eventual Big 12 invite someday long in the future. Let's entertain those dreams by substituting the Maroon and Gold locals in place of the omnipotent burnt orange.

unttxstsim

I know this is only a simulation, but I nearly launched my laptop across the room.

BYUTXSTsim

That's actually better than how Texas did against the Cougars. There was no word on whether Taysom Hill began his burgeoning career as a hurdles runner in this simulation.

uclatxstsim

Oof.

kutxstsim

*throws laptop across room in celebration*

baylortxstsim

OUTXSTsim

Rumor has it the OU players put on Louisiana Lafayette jerseys before the simulation.

isutxstsim

I always tell my friends that Texas State would've finished exactly above Kansas and Iowa State in the Big 12 in the past two seasons. Right now that prediction looks about right.

txstksusim

Go 'Cats.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

techtxstsim

txstwvusim

By this point in the season I would've submitted to the sweet siren song of alcohol poisoning.

txstosusim

Vengeance on the team that reportedly knocked Texas State out of a bowl bid? I can dig it.

txsttcusim

Texas State goes 3-9 (3-6) against a Big 12 schedule. Could be worse. But hey, here's a bit of consolation!

txstutsim

No joke, this happened first try (Texas won the next 18 of 20). By the way, if this ever happens I will build a statue of the first Bobcat to go streaking down the 40 acres. Watch out for those tennis courts.

If UTSA had Texas's Schedule...

What about the Roadrunners, who are part of the UT system and used to be a feeder school for eventual Longhorns students?

untutsasim

Poor UNT. They can't beat UTSA in real life or on the internet.

utsabyusim

utsauclasim

utsakusim

NOT GREAT BOB

utsaousim

isuutsa

tried

utsaksusim

That's one hell of an Erase This Simulation candidate.

utsatechsim

wvuutsasim

osuutsasim

tcuutsa

Larry Coker's boys suffer a godawful 1-11 (0-9) season. To add insult to injury:

utsautsim

If UNT had TCU's Schedule...

UNT was just straight bad last season. Their four wins came against equally bad or worse teams, and they only came within one possession in one of their eight losses. But the simulators seemed to be a bit kind of them given the rigors of a Big 12 schedule.

FCS Autowin - Samford Bulldogs

UNTUMsim

smuuntsim

Considering TCU and UNT beat SMU by a combined score of 99-6 I'm starting to wonder if someone put a virus in this simulator.

ouuntsim

bayloruntsim

Ok, that's more like it.

osuuntsim

These simulators really hate Oklahoma State apparently.

techuntsim

wvuuntsim

Looks about right.

ksuuntsim

WHOA. Major upset here. I'm going to assume Tyler Lockett is injured in this simulation, because the idea of the same defense that gave up 56 to UAB and 30 to a bad Southern Miss offense holding KSU to 23 is rather far-fetched.

For what it's worth, KSU went 17-3 against UNT in 20 matchups, but a number of them were close.

Kansas

No letdown bad loss here.

untutsim

No online vengeance for last year's beatdown loss in Austin.

isuuntsim

UNT matches their overall record last season of 5-7 and inexplicably goes 4-5 in conference despite a jump from C-USA to the Big 12. The Mean Green broke the damn machine. Although the simulator did get one thing right:

unttcusim

If Rice had Baylor's Schedule...

The C-USA west darkhorse shared no common opponents with the Bears, and one Southwest Conference castoff got to stay in a big conference while the other was relegated to G5 obscurity. Let's see how Rice would do if roles were reversed and inherited Baylor's pillowy soft OOC schedule.

SMURiceSim

GAH. Let us never speak of this again.

FCS Autowin - Northwestern State

buffaloricesim

You mean any semi-competent team could've gone undefeated against Baylor's OOC? Who knew?

isuricesim

Ames works its magic once again in a stunning upset.

riceutsim

During the postgame the Rice Marching Band assembles at midfield and shows a formation of an Owl taking a dump on the Longhorn logo.

tcurice

wvuricesim

Welp.

ricekusim

Kansas continues its tradition of losing to food.

ouricesim

osuricesim

Looks like Mike Gundy finally got around to challenging the simulator to a bench press measuring contest.

techricesim

ksuricesim

The Owls finish 5-7 (2-7), which is actually kinda respectable I guess! Although this also happened:

baylorricesim

If SMU had Texas Tech's Schedule...

SMU plays TCU every year, so in order to avoid the Mustangs playing themselves--which they somehow would've ended up losing anyway in 2014--I gave them Tech's schedule. Warning: Much gore and atrocity occurs past this point.

FCS Autowin: Central Arkansas. Although I really have a hard time calling that win automatic.

smuutep

smuarkansassim

The horror. THE HORROR.

osusmusim

ksusmusim

smuwvusim

SMUKUsim

"My name is June Jones, coach of coaches. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair."

tcusmusim

utsmusim

smuoklahomasim

:(

isusmusim

siren
siren
siren
SMU WON A BIG 12 GAME
siren
siren
siren

busmusim

Huh.

SMU finishes 2-10 (1-11), shocks the world, the stock market implodes, an asteroid hits Ames, and all websites are forced back onto a GeoCities platform. Enjoy your dangling jpegs, football fans.