Like a five-star recruit, Georgia Southern's 400-square-foot tailgating houses have lit up the Internet months before their first action.
The houses, officially dubbed the "Ultimate Suite" but given the oxymoronic "tiny mansions" tag by media outlets, have been featured in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution ("'Gone With the Wind' meets gone to get more chicken wings"), SB Nation, ("For a fee, you can party in a small house that looks like a Gulliver's Travels version of a Southern antebellum mansion") and of course on your Facebook feed since you have "liked" Underdog Dynasty (ahem.......).
Also like a hot recruit, fans of other teams wishing they had it this good.
With a price tag of $5,000 a game they do cost a pretty penny. Here's why it's totally worth it.
1. Air Conditioning
Sweltering South Georgia Sun? Not a problem folks. Your #tinymansion comes with its own cooling system, meaning you'll instantly be the envy of, well everybody outside. The closest I've ever seen to this was an old shed my granddad equipped with a mini fridge and window unit which became his man cave. If it was located within tailgating distance of a college football stadium maybe it'd be this awesome.
2. Private Bathroom
This alone should seal the deal for some folks. Take all the time you want, with all the privacy in the world, thanks to the bathroom on your property. Maybe you can even go Euro-style and charge your friends to use it! (Editor's Note: We realize this is a terrible idea and do not endorse it whatsoever. At all.)3. Four TVs
4. Location, Location, Location
Your mini mansion will be set up in front of Bishop Fieldhouse, which for the unaffiliated means it's about two first downs from being inside Paulson Stadium. You literally will not be able to tailgate anywhere closer without being inside the stadium.
If you do decide to leave the house, you'll find another refrigerator, propane grill and TVs within steps of your front door.
5. Chow Down Son
Aside from the obvious advantages listed above, the Ultimate Suite includes ultimate service. From the official release:
Gameday Traditions provides a luxury tailgating experience that can't be matched with private members-only access and security, suite concierge and on-site general manager.
The Ultimate Suite is completely turnkey and you simply will show up and enjoy with no setup necessary.
The V.I.P. tailgating experience comes with the V.I.P. treatment. For you single folks out there, text that special someone you've been thinking about, "Yo, come to the game tomorrow. I've got the #TinyMansion on lock."
Yea, you're not getting turned down.
If you're looking to divide up cost, the indoor/outdoor space can accommodate up to 30 comfortably. This way you're only out $166.67 each. If you're willing to squeeze in or have some folks rotate out to the tailgate lot the space can hold up to 50, which equates to an even $100 each.
Maybe you can recoup some of that by taking a page from the best college parties and charging $5 a head just a tour of the crib (Editor's note: Yea, we realize this is also unacceptable and a completely terrible idea.)
The really industrious among you though will convince your employers to spring for a suite as an entertainment/morale boosting event, which I'm guessing will account for many of the rentals.
But what we really should do is a kickstarter campaign where we raise enough money to reserve one for the College GameDay crew, and ask for something very small in return like hosting their show in Statesboro for the home opener (Editor's Note: Yes, this would be okay).