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Is there a better way to cope with the Mad Max-esque hellscape that is the college football offseason than by reveling in the misery of others?
No, no there isn't. That's why we're bringing you the SUN BELT HOT HOT HOT SEAT RANKINGS. Rejoice!
We took average scores from our panel of Sun Belt experts who ranked each coach's likelihood of getting fired on a 0-10 scale, with 10 being the seat with the hottest temperature and 0 representing a coach who could only get fired via a scandal involving a stripper, cocaine, and a Bengal tiger. Don't get any ideas, Mark Hudspeth.
Without further ado, here's who falls where on the seat temperature spectrum.
Colder than a Moscow blizzard
Willie Fritz, Georgia Southern (0.2)
Mark Hudspeth, Louisiana Lafayette (0.5)
Haisten Willis: In this case Southern is trying to make sure the chair is made of leather, and is the color Fritz wants, and fully adjustable, and has attractive ladies fanning him while he sits in it, or whatever else will keep him from leaving the chair.
Nic Lewis: STOP FLEXING, HUD. YOU'RE SECURE IN YOUR MANHOOD AND YOUR JOB, WE GET IT.
Neal Brown, Troy (1.6)
Nic: Nothing to see here. You get a long leash when you are replacing a legend, AND when you're taking over an underperforming team, so he gets plenty of rope.
Chris Hondros: Stakes are high after Blakeney retired. How does Brown follow the winningest coach in Troy history?
Cooler than a Boone November evening
Blake Anderson, Arkansas State (2.1)
Charles BG: Someone finally stayed in Jonesboro, though the seat gets a little warmer than ice cold because the thing that people love even more than keeping a head coach is to win football games.
Thomas Sherrill: Anderson gets a pass because of the coaching turnover and how thin stAte was at the end of last year. However they do have as much talent as anyone coming back.
Joey Jones, South Alabama (2.3)
Charles: He found out how to never be on the hot seat: just be the one who builds said seat in the first place.
Cody Junot: He took the Jags bowling for the FIRST TIME EVER in 2014 (sorry TXST). But if his team bombs and wins something like 3 games he could be pushed out the door. Five victories or more and he will be back in Mobile for 2016.
Scott Satterfield, Appalachian State (3.4)
Haisten: The question is which was the true App State in 2014, the first half version or the second half? If they come out flat this year the seat'll get hotter than a musket barrel during goat season, or something like that.
Thomas: A bowl will probably get him an extension. A losing record will be a massive disappointment and with one year left after this season and a new AD, it would be very interesting.
Lukewarm like a Coach Fran press conference
Doug Martin, New Mexico State (5.4)
Nic: He warned everyone that it will be a long rebuild, and he is right on track. Not going anywhere.
Thomas: I get the feeling Martin has to show improvement, any improvement, to be fine.
Charles: I don't know what a New Mexico State is and I don't care enough to find out. (Editor's note: We had THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE say this.)
Dennis Franchione, Texas State (5.7)
Haisten: For someone with the name recognition of Dennis Franchione I'd say more than a six or seven win season should be expected. The Bobcats might get tired of his act if he can't surpass Chan Gailey equilibrium.
Will Butler: Some Bobcat fans grumbled about his mediocre results despite two NFL draft picks and three UDFAs, but no matter what the fans think athletic director Larry Teis strongly supports him. He's staying as long as he wants barring an implosion or unlikely big donor revolt.
Warmer than Monroe swamp ass in August
Todd Berry, ULM (7.1)
Cody: Berry has had some of the Belt's best defenses over the past few years but has had exactly zero offense to go with it. Its a bowl or bust for Berry and company or at the very least 6 wins, with one of those being over the Cajuns.
Haisten: ULM built some national respect with the win over Arkansas a few years ago and close calls against Auburn and Baylor. If Berry loses seven of his last eight again this could be his final go-round in Duck Dynasty land.
Hotter than a Skip Bayless sports take
Trent Miles, Georgia State (8.3)
Nic: I mean, his seat is hot, but what the hell is he supposed to do? I feel like he's doing the best with what he's got right now. Which ain't much, but I don't think that's really his fault.
Haisten: At 1-23 Miles makes more money per win than Nick Saban, but where do they go if they fire him? What coach worth his salt will be willing to take over at a program that has never beaten a full-fledged FBS member?
Will:
Paul Petrino, Idaho (8.5)
Will: Petrino's team outgained 7+ win squads Arkansas State, Texas State, and San Diego State last year. They lost all three games. Idaho football: Catch the excitement!
Charles: It's pretty apparent that Idaho has the right Petrino but what if, you know, he's not the right Petrino??
Chris Hondros: This is funnily enough NOT entirely Petrino's fault. Idaho fans are still missing the glory days of the Erikson years. We saw how unforgiving the AD was towards Akey after a downturn, despite making a bowl game for the second time ever. Petrino's magic number is 4, and even then it might not be enough to save him.
Alright #FunBelt fans, how'd we do? Give us your hottest of #spr0tstaeks in the comments section below, or on our Facebook and Twitter pages.