In honor of the Super Bowl hype, Key & Peele released their third East/West game sketch, this time dubbing it the "Pro Edition." And they delivered on that title by including some of the players that inspired the skit over the years. Of course, all of the actual players included had long since graduated, because god forbid a current student athlete have his likeness used for personal gain.
What also stood out this time was the wide range of schools used, from community colleges to Power 5 schools. There were even a few of our Underdog universities in there, so we decided to take a look at their representatives and shed some light on their backgrounds.
Doink Ahanahue - Marshall
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3363480/Marshall.0.jpeg)
Ahanahue's hair says wide receiver, but the mustache and disposition leave no doubt that we are looking at a quarterback here. Doink was a surprise invite to join the East squad because he didn't actually attempt a pass all year, choosing instead to just spike the ball on obvious passing downs. He still managed to lead Marshall to an 11 win season. Now he takes his talents to the pros, where he is expected to start at left tackle for whoever drafts him.
Actual Player They Could Have Used - Amoreto Curraj, So. Kicker
Leger Douzable - UCF
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3363482/UCF.0.jpeg)
Probably the most ridiculous name in the whole skit, this UCF defensive tackle will probably go undrafted and spend any career he might have on a practice squad. With any luck, he might become a backup for some pitiful squad like the Jets. It's a shame too. He seems like a nice kid.
Actual Player They Could Have Used - Charles Sprenkel, Fr. Offensive Line
Grunky Peep - Georgia Southern
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3363484/GaSo.0.jpeg)
Just hearing the name Grunky Peep, I knew this dude played for Georgia Southern. As a matter of fact, you might have heard of him. He was a major reason the Eagles won the Sun Belt this year, leading all players with 61 tackles for a loss. It's even more impressive when you consider he was suspended half the season for continuously biting opposing players on the ear. I'm still not clear on how he accomplished this with both players still wearing helmets.
Actual Player They Could Have Used - Vegas Harley, So. Safety
Marmadune Shazbot - Tulane
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3363490/Tulane.0.jpeg)
When someone says "Tulane Football" my mind instantly goes to cornerback Marmadune Shazbot. This guy played receivers so tight, you wouldn't have even been able to tell he was there if it wasn't for his pony tail trailing behind. Sure there was some controversy in his final game against Temple, but I agreed with the officials. It's not pass interference if the receivers hands end up in your pants.
Actual Player They Could Have Used - Arturo Uzdavinis, Jr. Offensive Tackle
Logjammer D'Baggagecling - North Texas
:format(webp):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3363492/UNT.0.jpeg)
Alright, let's get this out of the way. Logjammer D'Baggagecling definitely isn't the smartest player on the field, and the North Texas community is still feeling the effects of the tragedy. But dammit, the kid can play ball, and those fans knew the danger when they purchased field level seats. He's a human cruise missile in the secondary, and some team is going to find a place for him. At the very least, the league could study his playing style and maybe identify what it was that caused him to no longer get concussions after his 23rd one of the season.
Actual Player They Could Have Used - Sir Calvin Wallace, So. Defensive Tackle