Well, talk about taking one on the chin.
Last weak's post was so popular that it barely registered on the #Internets: absolutely zero comments and, best as I can tell from when I shared it on Twitter (please follow me!), nada on the #Twittersphere either.
Wouhou? Yeah no, not quite.
So here is the million-dollar question: when absolutely no one reads a post—though again, maybe it's not true because I don't have the SEO numbers, only my esteemed editor does—but when absolutely no one comments on a post, does it mean that:
- the post the author wrote was severely weak
- the game the post was about was severely weak
- the post never happened
- the game the post was about never happened
(Please vote for your answer in your comments because I am incredibly vain. Unless your answer is A, in which case I never want to see you here again.)
ANYWAY! I say all this to say that welcome to the conference championship weak or, as I call it around here, slim pickings. How do you find a weakest matchup this weak, in a sea of only 15 games between the supposed superpowers of college football?
Well by God, you turn to the Sun Belt, that's how. In lieu of an actual championship game, everyone's favourite little conference has just another set of games on its schedule for every Sun Belt team. (Except Idaho; not even its own conference wants to see Idaho on this final weekend.)
So see, this weak column will double as a celebration of #FunBelt; because even when you have nothing left, you still have the Sun Belt—except that... Take it away, esteemed editor!
Or you can just announce that the column is no longer strong enough to survive and that therefore its weekly weakness is done again until next season
Yep, that sounds about right. If there's one thing that the past weak's column has shown, it's that I've reached #peak weakest of the weak: I managed to identify and select a game (i.e. ULM at Hawaii) that was so utterly bad and weak that no sane reader would ever watch it in the first place, so they didn't comment on my post either. If no one's going watch, no one's going to comment, which makes sense but which also begs the question of why anyone would ever write about it?
But alas, this is it. This weak, we only have a few dumb (Power Five) conference championships and, like, a number of silly #FunBelt. If it feels like the right kind of weakend to spend time with the loved ones, it's because it is. And yes this is where you ask me, rhetorically, whether I'm a member of the College Football Playoff selection committee because I utterly don't care about the Sun Belt. (HA!)
It's time to put this begonia out its misery. Sayonara, folks; I'm retiring this column until next season. And water that damn plant even if it's winter; say hello to Santa on my behalf.