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Weakest Of The Week: Keeping The Best Worst For Last

This "rivalry" will keep college football fans on the edge of their seats until the last game on the schedule of rivalry week for the very worst matchup.

Mike McGinnis/Getty Images

You know what they say, right? Good things come to those who wait.

We've all spent all this time this season wondering who and which teams are #studs—except for this column, where I've tried hard as I might to identify the very worst game of each weakend but the point remains. Anyway, so we've spent all this time wondering who was good, who was #sucky to arrive at this: the final weak, also known as rivalry week.

And after 13 weaks, we know which teams are who we thought they were.

Do you know what else we know?

We know how to comment on a post. That comment above, from Internet user @j_morris28, is top notch. Great, great trash talk, my guy!

Looking at the set of games for this weak now, a few clearly stand out. It says a lot that about a week of games' level of mediocrity that one where the awful Texas State Bobcats visit the equally bad Idaho Vandals isn't alone on top. The Bobcats are so mediocre that their misery has somehow clouded the judgment of one awfully rich TXST booster re: the head coach's fate, while Idaho is, well, Idaho.

We'll be telling our great-grandchildren about these games, folks, while we're watching the next wave of cyborg-students compete in what has become of football. Enjoy it.

Runner-Up Game: Charlotte 49ers At Rice Owls

It seems like at long last the Rice Owls have embraced their side dish personality—but you know what happens then, right? Don't make your side dish your main dish, folks. It sounds like a stroke of genius, but it's not. "Oh it's rice. Such a great idea. I don't feel like cooking, so the minimal effort involved for a good bowl of rice is perf'. Plus, at least I stay away from pizza and KD." Sure buddy, but you know what happens when you eat a little too much rice? You get bloated. You get bored with life. You don't do the little things that make a big difference. Essentially, you stop winning.

You become your old friend, your fat, farting and annoying friend sitting on your couch watching a marathon of Real Housewives of whatever even though you're a #sports guy.

It was all good just a quick week two+ months ago for the Charlotte 49ers, amirite? The latest addition to college football's FBS started this 2015 season on a high note: two wins in two games, with one of the two even coming against a semi legitimate FBS team in the Georgia State Panthers. Since? They've lost the nine games they have played, coming close only against fellow neglected programs like UTSA and FAU (and, sure, Old Dominion).

You cannot win if you do not play, dixit Steve Forbert, but Charlotte has proven to us that just because you play doesn't mean you won't lose.

Weakest Of The Week: Lousiana Monroe Warhawks At Hawaii Rainbow Warriors

Oh boy, here we are. This wonderfully weak game starts at 11 p.m. EST, guaranteeing a maximum possible of hangover for Sunday morning. Good bad things come at the very end of our lives, folks; it's not a coincidence death is at the end, not the beginning.

On one side, the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors (124th per FPI and 120th per S&P+) haven't won a game against an FBS team since weak one; it was even against a Power Five opponent, though the Colorado Buffaloes really aren't an FBS team nor a P5. Hawaii has also beat UC Davis, but that doesn't count. They're also the Rainbow Warriors.

Will Hawaii be favored? The team is home, but don't let that fool you. Because you see, the ULM Warhawks (119th per FPI and 122nd per S&P+) haven't won against an FBS team in 371 days; for the Cardale Jones disciples (and, unless you're not a CFB player, all the more power to you!), that's over a year. It's not good. Even the Shutdown Fullcast agrees with me.

Oh, you want more? Take it away, Mr. esteemed editor.

By the time they kick off, it will have been 70 days since the last time either team won any game at all

I look at this game and I gotta ask one thing, you know: is college football a fraud?

Hear me out. NCAA truthers will find ammunition in this game between sorry Warhawks and idiotic (Rainbow) Warriors: there is no doubt that the two teams scheduled this game only in the hope of padding stats and records. If the NCAA wasn't a racket, they would change overtime rules for this weak: neither ULM nor Hawaii deserves to win. This weak game needs a weak tie.

If it looks, moves, walks, etc., like a duck... Let's go back to a classic.