Which North Texas Notable Alumni Would Make The Best Head Coach?

Dr. Phil

Years attended: 1976-1979

Recruiting ability: A+

Experience: D+

Seat filler: B-

Alright, I understand I'm coming at you from left field with this one, but hear me out. This is a man that has made his living off of understanding people and what they truly want. North Texas is a program in need of solid consistent recruiting. I don't think that someone who tells people what they are really thinking would have much trouble with the task of convincing a teenager that North Texas is their dream destination. At this point you're probably thinking, "Ok, recruiting ability, cool. But he has no football experience." WRONG. Dr. Phil received a scholarship and played at the University of Tulsa. He may or may not have been apart of a defense that allowed a 100-6 loss, but still, he deserves a D+ at the least. Finally, imagine the headlines if North Texas hired Dr. Phil. Sure, maybe hardcore fans would be outraged and not attend. But once you get past all of the 15 hardcore UNT fans, you'll have thousands of people in the DFW area that would probably attend at least one game just for the chance of watching "Coach Phil" go off on a ref.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Years attended: 1986-1987

Recruiting ability: B

Experience: C+

Seat filler: B+

Be honest with yourself. Deep down you really want to watch the Texas Rattlesnake throw back a couple of cold beers after a win in Apogee. Would he be able to recruit for the University as well as Dr. Phil would? Probably not. But more than a handful of recruits would be drawn in by the prospect of playing for the 6 time WWE champion. On top of that, Austin grew up in and currently resides in the great state of Texas. Having Texas ties could possibly (probably not) help connect with recruits and secure improved recruiting classes. Although Austin doesn't have any coaching experience, he did play on a full scholarship at UNT. Once that was finished he had arguably the most impressive WWE career in history. Now granted, it'll probably take a lot to sell out Apogee Stadium next season. But just picture a sold out crowd yelling "WHAT!?" every time the ref attempts to call a penalty on North Texas. Just the idea alone is bound to bring in some old alumni that grew up watching Austin.

"Mean" Joe Greene

Years attended: 1964-1968

Recruitment ability: B+

Experience: A-

Seat filler: C

Let's start with the bad news on this one. Mean Joe Greene probably won't do a lot to fill seats. A lot of fans are in a bad mood after this season, and bringing in the guy from the old (albeit legendary) Coke commercial probably won't do a ton to sell tickets. However! Of all the notable North Texas alumni, Mean Joe Greene makes the most sense to be the next coach. Greene had one of the best individual careers in North Texas history. In 29 games at defensive tackle, opposing offenses averaged less than two yards per rush against the North Texas defense led by Greene. Greene's career in the NFL was even more impressive. After becoming defensive rookie of the year, a ten-time pro bowler, and a four-time super bowl champion, Mean Joe Greene was inducted into pro football hall of fame. His retirement from playing was followed by assistant coaching positions in the NFL. For a team that could use a bit of assistance with recruiting, I'm sure a pro football hall of fame member would do a lot to get some kids to Denton.

Honestly though, can we take a second and appreciate the beauty of this commercial? This one-minute commercial is better than the entire second "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" movie. Go Mean Green. Go Coca-Cola.