Because #SunBeltHeat cannot be pitted against #SunBeltHeat, these stunningly well-written, exhaustively researched columns will become slimmer and slimmer. Sorry, America. But we'll always be here for you when the Sun Belt takes on northern aggressors! That means you, MAC! We don't cotton much to you besting us at Twitter. Ready yourself as best you can for Heat!
Remember, Sun Belt Heat is calculated using the following sorcery and science:
P5 Condescension x ESPN3 + Righteous Fury / "Any given Saturday" = SUN BELT HEAT
Georgia State vs. Ball State, October 17, 2:00 PM CST, ESPN3
Chance For Winning (ESPN FPI): 10.4%
Traditionally, Georgia State hasn't been a reliable source of Sun Belt Heat. Already this year, the Panthers have accounted for the conference's lone loss to FCS competition (we see you Liberty!) while securing its only win by snuffing New Mexico State. Meanwhile, Ball State is coming off a tour of the MACs finest, receiving lumps from Toledo and Northern Illinois, plus #17 Northwestern for good measure. Both programs are limping around like pirates. But what Ball State lacks is something Georgia State as stockpiled patiently now for two season: Sun Belt Heat. It's time, Panthers. TIME TO UNLEASH THE HEAT! Make Ball feel it. I mean, for godssake what are you waiting for? Haven't we suffered long enough? STOP SCREWING AROUND AND UNCORK SOME HEAT! Now! You can't see me, but my arms are crossed and my brow is furrowed. That means I'm serious. You've lived in the SBC basement long enough. You either do your job, or we're charging you rent. You eat our food. You drink your O'Doul's. And in return, YOU LOSE TO LIBERTY! That's not cutting it, pal. We're taking away the Nintendo and handing you a list of chores. CHORE NUMBER ONE IS BEAT BALL STATE! CHORE NUMBER TWO IS BEAT BALL STATE. CHORE NUMBER THREE IS BEAT BALL STATE. Do you understand what your chores are? You're nodding, but I don't think you're getting it. So I'm adding a fourth chore: BEAT BALL STATE. And if you don't, by God, we're calling the police and having you arrested for loitering.
Sun Belt Heat Index: 100,000% or else
Adjusted Chance for Winning: 100,010.4%
Idaho vs. Troy, October 17, 2:30 PM CST, ESPN3
New Mexico State vs. Georgia Southern, October 17, 5:00 PM CST, ESPN3
Appalachian State vs. ULM, October 17, 6:00 PM CST, ESPN3
Can Wolverine's claws cut through Captain America's shield? Could Harry Potter defeat Luke Skywalker in brutal, hand-to-hand combat? Does Darryl smell worse than Rick? These questions can't be answered, nor should they ever be asked.