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Your School's Version of the UCF Beach Bar

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UCF's new beach lounge will open in time for the 2015 season, giving television viewers a constant reminder of the sunny culture of Central Florida. Maybe a few other schools should try this.

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Photo from University of Central Florida athletics

Central Florida made waves in the college football world with the school's announcement it will install a beach bar around the 30 yard line in time for the 2015 home opener. As part of a new East Side Club level, fans can wallow in the (simulated) sand all season for a one-time fee of 900 bones. Cue the Jimmy Buffet music.

This bar isn't just for the patrons in the stands though. Oh no. It's also for viewers at home to catch a glimpse of the glamour life at UCF.

"The Florida-themed ESC gives us an opportunity to reinforce our location, which I believe is a major asset," UCF athletic director Todd Stansbury told the Orlando Sentinel. "The ESC will provide a window into the UCF/Central Florida culture and personality to potential students, recruits, fans, friends and supporters."

Come Monday, I mean, come November, anyone north of Tallahassee flipping on a Knights game will turn pale with envy at those sandal-adorned studs at Bright House Networks Stadium. UCF even made sure to slap this thing on the opposite side of the field from the press box, ensuring maximum screen time.

Some might say it's a little goofy. But when you're playing in the G5 it's always good to stand out from the crowd.

I think a few other G5s should follow suit with bars showcasing their own unique culture and traditions.

Appalachian State: Hunting Lounge Bar

A place where every Mountaineer can take a break from goat hunting, cow tipping or whatever it is Mountaineers actually do. Check your musket at the door and watch the on-field Mountain Men set their sights on another victory. If the Boone city council's in a good mood they might even let you light up that corn cob pipe inside. And when Scott Satterfield's boys really get going everyone holds up a glass to sing a rousing rendition of their favorite bar tune.

Louisiana-Monroe: Duck Dynasty Bar

Local Monroe-area celebrities the Robertson clan gladly support ULM athletics, participating in a "camo-out" early in the 2014 campaign.

In case you forgot:

Sure, this might look sort of like the mountaineer bar on the surface: Mounted animal heads, camo wallpaper, a taxidermy in the far corner. The key difference is the all-consuming popularity of the men with the beards sucks in even more revenue for the Warhawks. Plus there's the opportunity for new traditions. Mississippi State cowbells, meet ULM duck calls.

What's that? You think the Robertsons might not go along with it? I highly doubt it.

Memphis: Elvis Bar

Uh thank you, uh thank you very much King for providing the perfect theme at the Liberty Bowl's new club-level bar. Young, slim fans dress as '50s Elvis. Old, overweight fans dress in sequined suits as unhealthy '70s Elvis. The karaoke machine blares the hits all game long as fans try their luck at Burning Love and Hound Dog.

There's a 20 percent discount for any fan who acts out the Forrest Gump scene and don't forget to try the Elvis Sandwich while you're there. Just uh, be reeeeeal careful when it's time for a bathroom break.

East Carolina: Pirate Ship Bar

All right, all right, I know this one's out therOh wait.

New Mexico State: Pistol Pete's Wild West Bar

Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaw!!!! It's time to hit the gun-slinginest, rootin' tootinest, call-the-sheriff-there's-bout-to-be-a-shootout'nest college stadium bar this side of Yosemite Sam. This bar features local southwestern brews served by waitresses in stirrups and cowboy hats. Everyone plays their favorite Wild West shootout bar arcade game and makes idiotic Vines of each other walking through the swinging doors and yelling "this town ain't big enough for the two of us!"

UPDATE: I've just been informed this concept is not going to be allowed at Aggie Memorial Stadium. Oklahoma State says they had this idea years ago and they're suing for copyright infringement.

Idaho: Airport Bar

The Vandals have been playing in an airport hangar for years. It's time to embrace it and greet fans with all the amenities one would expect in an airport bar. The drinks will cost too much and they'll leave extra space between seats for your luggage. It'll even feel like the real thing. You'll make small talk with your neighbor or either stare at your phone and, after a half hour or so, probably start glancing at your watch to see when you can head to the gate.

Texas State: Party Scenes from 'Boyhood' Bar

The San Marcos-based college gets to showcase its boosted cultural cache thanks to this high school party-themed bar. It's not often a college town is featured in a high-concept Hollywood drama with a boatload of award nominations. Remind those viewers at home that San Marcos was one of the homes of the thoughtful protagonist as he marched the inevitable march toward adulthood. Plus, the drinks will help everyone keep their mind off the unstoppable forward progression of time and how much older they'll look 12 years from now.

UAB: Dark Smoky Back Room Bar

It's widely believed the UAB football team was killed because of shady closed-door dealings done by the University of Alabama system Board of Trustees and carried out by President Ray Watts. So, embrace the culture right?

Patrons can smoke big cigars in a dimly-lit room thanks to the first renovations at Legion Field since the Nixon Administration. The thick walls ensure nothing said makes it to the outside world unless you want it to. Of course, they also make it impossible to see the field. Not to worry, the powers that be already took care of that problem.

Southern Miss: Brett Favre's Favorite Hangout Bar

Perhaps USM's most famous alumnus, Favre still lives in the area and hosts events on campus. Reciprocating the love, this bar is chock full of autographed Favre merchandise and a wide-ranging selection of Wrangler jeans. On special occasions No. 4 himself makes appearances to chat with the fans, sing the alma mater and yell "To the Top!" with the faithful. Just be careful with your phone ladies, his definition of selfie stick may not be the same as yours.

Houston: Cougar Bar

Bear with me here.

That's right Houston fans, it's ladies night! Every single game day is designed specifically with you in mind. That is, as long as you're inside the Cougar Bar, are female, and attended UH in the '70s or '80s. And not to worry, frat guys get in free, all of the waiters are pledges and... okay I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Arkansas State: Singles Bar

Commitment is so overrated, amirite? Here at Arkansas State's newest in-stadium bar, the swinging single life is in style. Meet the mate of your dreams in this gathering spot for diehard Red Wolves alumni and donors. If things go well you can get to know each other over the course of an entire season and maybe even experience a Sun Belt championship. And if they leave after a year, well, there's plenty of other fish in the sea.

By the way, each of these schools owes me major royalty fee$ when these are built and help broadcast campus culture to the wider world. These are way cooler than UCF's beach bar. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?