Editor's Note: Kyle did not respond to repeated requests for an interview, so part of this may or may not be an embellished conversation.
AR: Were there any positives gained from SMU's loss to Baylor? If so, what?
KM: Well, Baylor didn't score 100. And we injured Bryce Petty. I mean we were really metho-dissed by their baptizing of our team. Also, no injuries, because if we had lost that Line kid, man, our whole season would've been screwed. Also, we killed it in time of possession- 39 minutes- I mean that beats North Texas's offense, right? Oh and our punter punted for 335 yards, or more than our quarterbacks will throw in six games this year!
AR: What did the Baylor game tell us, if anything about the trajectory of SMU's season?
KM: Well, that we probably are not as good as we thought we were. Honestly, they were selling season ticket packages earlier this year, and the athletic department told us 11,000 people bought them, but then some of the alums received football tickets in the mail. Luckily, most of them were lawyers, bankers, or white-collar criminals, so they could afford the extra $100 or so dollars it was for these games involving pigskin.
AR: What is the perceived strength of the Mustangs?
KM: Well, if you had asked me 30 years ago, I would've said our ability to pay.... I mean our running game. Now, it's our ability to lower admission stand..... I mean our running game. Oh, and we have Deion Sanders's son. He's fast, I mean I think he's ready for prime time... or 11 am Saturday (when the SMU-UNT game kicks off). Also, we paid June Jones $2 million to lead us to the promised land, which was Hawaii in 2009. That trip was really nice since most of our alums had private islands near there.
Some other strengths? Definitely our fast pace of play, some of the five start recruits we got, our Jewish Hall of Fame coach (reminds Kyle that June Jones is not in the Hall of Fame). Shoot- you meant our football team?
AR: North Texas fans are always clamoring for SMU to be our main rival. Will the 10 year series finally be able to stoke the flames of the rivalry? What do real Mustang fans think of the Mean Green?
KM: Most Mustang fans look down at North Texas, not as little brother, but more like that adopted inbred kid from Deliverance. (Editor's Note: that kid played a mean banjo) I mean, we don't even care about them. The only Mean Green that I know relates to (redacted). This ten year series could fan the flames if North Texas wins a bunch, but I don't think so. I mean my MBA is super valuable and that beats UNT any day.
(reminds him that he's $50,000 in debt and still hasn't found a way to pay off SB Nation yet)
Daddy will pay it off. I promise.
Craig James is God. Well actually Jesus. We do not talk ill of Craig James. He is the greatest broadcaster to ever live. He is the definition of a Mustang Man.
(Asks Kyle how big James's slush fund is)
Ok, I'm through with you.