College football came and went Saturday like a Lane Kiffin head coaching gig. It was quick, it was confusing and it left in its wake a mob of pudgy, angry middle-aged men looking for blood. With the season officially back, we realized that a summer of speculation and devoted research revealed the fact that we knew absolutely nothing about what is going to transpire over the course of the next few months. And that's exactly why we'll be tuning in every Saturday.
Looking back is always a good thing (unless you just hit somebody with your car), and that's why each week, Underdog Dynasty will bring you The Booth Review — the definitive roundup of all that hot, sweaty Group of Five action you so desperately crave. Come for the #Maction, stay for Eastern Michigan. No seriously, please stay. Don't go. WE NEED YOU.
BUILDING A (DUCK) DYNASTY
UL-Monroe spoiled Dave Clawson's debut at Wake Forest by holding the Demon Deacons to under 100 total yards in a game that didn't see a touchdown until 3:37 in the fourth quarter. And they did it in totally unfair fashion by wearing camouflage uniforms. There goes John Wolford, throwing to his receiver on what looked like an empty field. Then BOOM, a Warhawk player jumps out of nowhere to bat the ball down and make the play. The NCAA needs to look into this ASAP and give Monroe the death penalty. This game did remind me of my favorite joke though! A UL-Monroe fan and a Wake Forest fan walk into a bar. The Monroe fan is immediately thrown out for biting another patron and the Wake Forest fan quietly apologizes before paying the tab and leaving an extra $20 on the table.
ABILENE IN A THING CALLED LOVE
The Sun Belt got off to a blazing start when Georgia State snapped the longest losing streak in the nation with a last-second win over Abiline Christian inside the Georgia Dome. It was a beautiful thing watching Wil Lutz lay in the middle of the turf after his make in front of the same amount of fans that come out to watch the Falcons play after Week 6. The perfect start to a perfect season, no doubt.
NATIONAL CHAMPION OF THE WEEK: IDAHO
It's not often a team can go into the The Swamp and hold Florida scoreless, but that's exactly what the Vandals did Saturday night. Will Muschamp's offense continued its major struggles against an Idaho team that stonewalled the Gators for 0 yards both on the ground and in the air to end the game. The highlight of UF's day came on the opening kickoff, when Valdez Showers rumbled for 66 yards before being pushed out of bounds, but Idaho's defense came to play — ultimately forcing Florida brass to call the game.
TEMPLE OF DOOM
The SEC Network got off to a fantastic start Thursday night when Temple bulldozed Vanderbilt at home for a more-than-convincing 37-7 win. Another middling Power Five coach's anticipated debut, another disappointing loss at the hands of the Group of Five. The Owls created more turnovers than a bakery inside Southern Miss' stadium to dominate Vandy in almost every phase of the game. The Commodores were thoroughly dismantled in every major stat category except for emails that allowed uniforms to be worn. You can't win 'em all, Temple.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE MANY, MANY PROBLEMS
UH opened up shiny new TDECU Stadium (Pirate fans are gonna have a lot of fun with that one) Friday against UTSA, a team coached by Larry Coker (yes, that Larry Coker) in only its fifth season of football. The Roadrunners lost their leading passer from last season but return a bevy of solid starters on both sides of the ball, holding Houston to -26 rushing yards and forcing 6 turnovers in a dominating 27-7 win. BEEP BEEP!
It's Ron Turner's second season at the helm of FIU, and things couldn't have gotten off to a more Ron Turner fashion. The Panthers lost to FCS Bethune-Cookman AGAIN to open the season. It's a good thing nobody was there to see it.
GAME OF THE WEEK OF THE MONTH: BOWLING GREEN VS. WESTERN KENTUCKY
The MAC Champion and C-USA upstart combined for 1,173 yards, 67 first downs and 450 defensive coordinator heart palpitations in a 51-39 Hilltopper Win. WKU quarterback Brandon Doughty threw for 569 yards and 6 touchdowns on 46-56 passing as his squad converted 14-of-18 on third down to beat the reigning MAC kings.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK OF THE MONTH OF THE YEAR: AARON JONES
UTEP running back Aaron Jones rushed for 237 yards and three touchdowns on 22 carries to lead the Miners over New Mexico Saturday. Jones said he was snubbed by New Mexico, which made him run even harder than normal, because being snubbed by New Mexico is like being turned down for a dance by the girl who wears a diaper and smells like fermented cheese. Run on, Aaron Jones.
OTHER SCORES OF NOTE: UAB 48, Troy 10; Penn State 26, UCF 24; Mississippi State 49, Southern Miss 0; Old Dominion 41, Hampton 28; Tulsa 38, Tulane 31 (2OT); Colorado State 31, Colorado 17; Ohio State 34, Navy 17