Connecticut - Not a lot of options on this team, but we still wind up with some solid talent.
1st place - Folorunso Fatukasi, DL The sheer syllabic volume here is enough to make the most hardened announcer shudder.
2nd Place - Jazzmar Clax, FB Can we call him "ClickClax" or will UnderArmour catch wind and send us a cease and desist? Let's make it stick.
3rd place - Obi Melifonwu, S
Honorable mention - I guess everybody was afraid to vote for Mikal Myers?
South Florida - Man, this is probably the deepest roster in the conference, with foreign sounding names and syllables galore, especially on the offensive line.
1st place - Quinterrius Eatmon, OL Is it bad for an offensive lineman to have a name with the word "eat" in it?
2nd place - Thor Jozwiak, OL I can't believe you guys voted THE MIGHTY THOR into only second place. You know the Gods can smite you for stuff like this, right?
3rd place - Brynjar Gudmundsson, OL
Honorable mention - Another lineman, Mak Djulbegovic, just missed the cut, as did tight end Guito Ervilus. Seriously, a tight end named Guito... who, unfortunately for us, is not from Jersey.
Cincinnati - Some familiar names here, and depth of biblical proportions. I mean that there are lots of fancy sounding names,
1st place (tie) - Leviticus Payne, CB and Munchie Legeaux, QB I'm giving a slight edge to Leviticus, since Munchie's first name isn't actually Munchie. It's still damn fun to hear it every single time the Bearcat offense runs a play, though.
Another note on Leviticus, HE'S GONNA BRING OLD TESTAMENT-STYLE PAIN ON YOU!
2nd place - Silverberry Mouhon, DL I don't know why, but this immediately makes me think of a spy movie. A guy his size, you meet him and ask him his name. He replies, simply "Silverberry."
3rd place - Ralph David Abernathy, IV, RB This most definitely takes the prize for the most Anglican name in our entire roster. But it just wasn't enough to get to the top for our staff.
Honorable mention - That goes to the quite Roman-sounding Clemente Casseus.
Tulane - I guess this is similar to their current team. They might not pack the joint, but it sure will be entertaining.
1st place (three-way tie!) - Fudge Van Hooser, WR; Arture Uzdavinis, DT; Steven Broccoli, K
This was a tricky one. One the one hand, you have all of those beautiful syllables lining up across from the quarterback. Then again, what could possibly be better than A Kicker Named Broccoli? Broccoli splits the uprights... Well, my first response would be A WIDE RECEIVER NAMED FUDGE, OBVIOUSLY. His name is actually Walter Lloyd Van Hooser, but that doesn't change the fact that he deliberately requested that they list his first name in the media guide as "Fudge." That takes stones, people.
Southern Methodist - Short, sweet and to the point here. The Mustangs don't mess around.
1st place - Zelt Minor, DE When he gets a sack we can yell, "ZELTED."
2nd place - Elie Nabushosi, DL I can't wait to hear this one get messed up, and/or to hear some wise guy color analyst respond with "Bless you!"
3rd place (tie) - Der'rikk Thompson, WR; Bozidar Antunovic, OL, SMU Nothing like a Slavic OL to hold the line and make things impossible for the announcer to pronounce.
Central Florida - This team is just pathetic. There was so little depth or quality, I actually had to get a write in vote for Shaquil and Shaquem just to make this one interesting.
1st place - Rodrigo Quirarte, K O.K., I'll give some props to this very suave-sounding name.
2nd place - Breshad Perriman, WR
3rd place - Shaquil and Shaquem Griffin
Houston - Another team with some very strong depth.
1st place - John O'Korn, QB I'm going to call him "Can" all season, and this will be a fun one to hear repeatedly since he is the starter.
2nd place - Emerald Faletuipapai, DL A gemstone for a first name, and then a boatload of syllables. I haven't even heard it out loud yet but I love it.
3rd place - Cameron Malveaux, DE Wasn't This a Shakespearean character? What ho, good Cougars?
Honorable mention - Seriously, nobody voted for Emeka Okafor? Come on you guys. So many available jokes.
Memphis - Not an amazing haul, but definitely some top-end talent.
1st place - Fritz Etienne, DB This sounds like he could also be a turn-of-the-century German artist, a painter perhaps.
2nd place - Mike Weed, QB Wonder how many puns we'll read this season about him getting "smoked" by a defender?
3rd place - Doroland Dorceus, RB I can only picture Ed, Edd and Eddie: "RUN THE BALL THROUGH THE HOLE DOUBLE-D!"
Temple - They may not be all that good at football, but they'll have some fun announcing. Perhaps the second best name talent in the conference.
1st place - Praise-Martin Oguike, DL I'm wondering if his sack celebration will be any form of worship...
2nd place - Jihaad Pretlow, DB On the other end of the spectrum, I've got no doubt that Pretlow will be an absolute terror in deep coverage.
3rd place - Obi Enejeme, DL I really like the balance here. His name perfectly alternates vowels and consonants.
Tulsa - A short roster, but a strong, multi-syllabic one.
1st place - Reymundo Higuera, LS It's a shame they'll never call his name. Perhaps we can start a trend where every successful field goal or point after is followed with a loud and boisterous "REYMUNDO!"
2nd place - Zik Asiegbu, LB Zik Asiegbu and the Tackling Buddies would be a great band name.
3rd place - Chris Hummingbird, DE It doesn't get any better than a defensive lineman named hummingbird. But can he actually float like a butterfly?
East Carolina - Another roster that is thin on depth but long on quality.
1st place - Rocco Scarfone, DB This flat-out sounds like the side of the secondary I would not throw to, lest my feet suddenly begin to feel like concrete.
2nd place - K'Hadree Hooker, DL Your mother always told you to stay away from them. Especially if you don't want to wind up sacked.
3rd place - Jeton Beavers, DE How did he not end up at Oregon State?
Honorable mention - I can't believe that a name as awesome as Zeek Bigger (for a front seven player, no less) didn't get votes.
Again, leave your comments for your top three votes, and we'll reveal the overall All-Name Team on Friday!