So this was pretty cool. Not only was the final Amway Coaches Poll released, but they released every individual coach's personal final ballots. There were definitely some interesting patterns appearing among the Underdog Dynasty coaches. Let's tell you how it went down:
American Athletic Conference classroom. Professor Dieter Kurtenbach is reviewing his students' final assignments:
I'm really not sure any of you coaching this conference watches any football outside the AAC, so I guess it should come as no surprise that everybody ranked their own damn team and almost nothing else.
Tommy Tuberville, I see you ranked your Cincinnati Bearcat squad 20th, and George O'Leary, you put your UCF team 21st, but the only other Group of Five team either of you ranked besides the deserving Boise State Broncos was George putting Northern Illinois at #24. No chances taken, as usual.
*Walks back to Bill Blankenship's desk, which has now been cleared out after the principal expelled him a few weeks ago*
Well here we go, I see Billy ranked Marshall and Memphis 23rd and 25th, so that's an improvement. Matt Rhule, you gave the opposite rankings to Memphis and UCF, which is totally cool. Of course, Bob Diaco, you did absolutely nothing interesting or clever with your Connecticut Huskies ballot. That's why you're now sitting at the back of the class, behind SMU with the other voteless coaches.
*Grabs one last ballot on his desk, scrunches his face to make sure he's reading it right*
Wow, Coach Fuentes is a baller who screwed around with the bottom of his bracket. But you still don't seem to have watched anybody else play, given your ranking of your own squad, Cinci and UCF in three of the ballot's final four spots.
*Walks over to the window and looks down to see East Carolina head coach Ruffin McNeill sitting on a sidewalk bench, pouting*
THAT'S RIGHT, RUFFIN McNEILL. NOBODY BELIEVES IN ECU. USE THAT NEXT SEASON WHEN YOU'RE BUSY GIVING UP ANOTHER LATE TOUCH.... I MEAN WINNING THE AAC OUTRIGHT.
*Conference USA classroom. Professor Adam R. Rosenfield is reviewing the last piece of homework his students had to complete before school let out for a while*
Holy boring voting, gentlemen. I mean, I'm glad that none of you are idiots, so you all ranked Boise, but what else? Everbody except for ol' Larry ranked Marshall: Coach Monken ranked them #25 with no other G5's on his ballot, Dan McCarney has them 22nd with Cinci at 24, and David Bailiff has them at 24 with Cinci 23rd.
And you there, Mister Larry Coker. Could your ballot be any more boring? And no love for your own conference. That's just absurd. So I guess that's all there..... wait a second. Hold on...
*starts shuffling through papers looking for something*
Where the hell is Stockstill? Did he not know this was due? I mean --
*In flies Middle Tennessee State head coach Rick Stockstill, ballot in his hand. It's crumpled as he takes it out of his pockey, but it's done.*
Oh, wow, coach. You are so late with this, but I'm giving you all the style points. You've got Marshall ranked all the way up at #14, with Memphis right behind at #16. I need to get you a microphone so you can just drop it right here.
*Sun Belt Conference classroom. Professor Matthew Monte is sitting in his throne - literally, it's a throne - with his servant being used as a desk on which the students place their ballots for assessment*
Only three voters from this conference, and all the boring occurred here. The Great Dennis Franchione? Why the hell did you put that name on your ballot, Dennis? Trust me, nobody remembers any of the good things you did, because there weren't any. Try getting your team actually into a bowl and not just eligible, then maybe you can use that name. *sigh*
Anyway, I see you gave the last slot on your ballot to Marshall, so you get zero points for originality. Blake Anderson, I know you're new here, but that doesn't mean you absolutely must blindly follow the general national consensus. You have Marshall up at #23. Well... ok, you also put Northern Illinois ahead of them at #19. A little slice of derring-do, Blake. Solid.
Well I guess that's all...
* a hand is raised in the back of the room*
Who is... put your hand down and just stand up, sir, I can't even see you.
Coach Berry? Lordy, what is it now?
Yes, Todd, I'm calling on you, put your damn hand down already.
Yes, I know the difference between Warhawk rednecks and Cajun rednecks, that isn't what we're doing here. If you came to class you would know this. Where is your ballot?
*Coach Berry sheepishly shuffles up to the front of the room and hands in his ballot, then just keeps walking out the door, mumbling something about wanting to play Louisiana Tech*
OH DEAR LORD. I don't believe this! He didn't rank anybody! Not even Boise State for chrissakes?!
*rushes over and slams open the classroom door*
YEAH, AND YOU CAN STAY GONE!!! WE HAVE NO ROOM IN THIS CONFERENCE FOR CLOSE-MINDED INDIVIDUALS!!! THAT'S WHY WE'RE FIRING FRANCHIONE TOO!
*walks back in and settles into his throne*
Oh calm down, Dennis, stop sniveling. I can't actually do a damn thing. But I was serious about the whole bowl game situation. Get on it.
Or at least, that's how it went down in my mind.